It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
