Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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