I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
