when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
