I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
