I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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