the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
