I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
