i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
