I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
