After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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