sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
