Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
