i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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