so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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