i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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