I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize