Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
