Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
