I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
