I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
