I wish my penis had an off switch
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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