Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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