I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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