I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
