listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize