Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
either way he was missing a nipple.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
