I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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