Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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