I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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