Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize