Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
When are your genitals available?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
