Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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