dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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