He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
