I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
