We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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