Sry I called you an 8
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize