I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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