I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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