sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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