so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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