i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
