i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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