Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
