Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
