I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
