I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
