At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
