If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
