just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
