Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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