you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize