is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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