A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
