You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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