3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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