I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
