No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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