well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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