for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
