Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
