Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
