She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
