Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
