why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
