Do you still have your period?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
