i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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