He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
