does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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