wake up i wanna do it froggy style
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
