I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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