you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize