I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
