so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize