Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
