i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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