I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
