i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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