Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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