My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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