it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
