Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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