I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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