marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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