before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
