saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
