what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
