I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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